بــــسم اللــه الرحــــمن الرحــــيم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Some people have taken a habit of backbiting others for 30 or maybe 50 years. Let’s remember what backbiting exactly means. Prophet Muhammad [Peace Be Upon Him] tells us that Ghiba is speaking about your brother of what he dislikes.
- Save by one who hath been wronged
This is especially vivid when the backbiter thinks that he/she has the right to backbite someone who has caused him any hurt, whether it’s a father, brother, son, husband, wife, neighbour or employer. When someone is wronged, this usually leaves him/her with bitterness within, which usually comes out in the form of the backbiting. Say you were wronged, religion allows you to complain to a judge, a scholar or to whom the case might be important so that each one should be rewarded or punished fairly. Allah said:
{لاَّ يُحِبُّ اللَّهُ الْجَهْرَ بِالسُّوَءِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ إِلاَّ مَن ظُلِمَ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ سَمِيعاً عَلِيماً} [سورة النساء: آية 148]
{Allah loveth not the utterance of harsh speech save by one who hath been wronged. Allah is ever Hearer, Knower.}
However, some people do it without even being asked to. They make others seem like the embodiment of evil. So, to make it clear, religion allows you to complain to someone who can give you your rights back, not just anyone and everyone. Second, even if you were harmed, say the truth and only the truth about the person who harmed you. Do not exaggerate.
- Wrapped Ghiba: Backbiting in Disguise
There’s a kind of backbiting that many people fail to see. It’s a ‘wrapped’ form of Ghiba. For example, you are sitting with a group of people and a man who claims to be pious is mentioned. So one of the people sitting says: “May Allah forgive us and him. It’s better to keep quiet.” As a listener what do you perceive? That the man mentioned is terrible! He did not technically use his tongue in saying something bad about him. That is why this is ‘wrapped’ Ghiba. Also, some people use gestures. When, for instance, someone is asked about a scholar’s knowledge and he says nothing but makes a mocking facial gesture. This makes the listener understand that the scholar is totally ignorant.
- Backbiting a country?!
Imagine that I can back-bite a whole city or a whole country! Saying: “All Egyptians are ……” or “All Kuwaitis are ……” Imagine if on the Judgment Day, each one of all the countries I back-bit took one deed from you, will I have any left? It’s forbidden to speak ill of one person. How about millions of people?! This requires Tawba.
- The Cure: Tawba... but how?
Tawba needs all four of the following:
1. To abstain from doing the sin.
2. To sincerely regret doing it in the past.
3. To be determined not to get back to it.
4. To give the ones harmed by your sin their rights back.
Assume that we’re talking about a divorced wife. She kept on back-biting her husband for 10 or 30 years until she made everyone see him as the devil himself or even worse. How will she repent? She shall not find difficulty with the first three as much as the fourth. It will be extremely difficult for her to apologise for him. What should she do? She should pray for him whenever she remembers or mentions him. It's as if Allah (SWT) is charging the consequences.
When we want to repent from Ghiba we say:
اللهم ما بينك و بيني فاغفره لي. و ما بيني و بين الناس فتحمل تبعاته عني.
Oh Allah, what's between You and me, forgive me for it. And what's between me and people, charge the consequences for me.
May Allah help us hold our tongues and forgive us all,
Dr Omar AbdelKafy
